The Language Of Love

📷 Thaneda Siridhab

📷 Thaneda Siridhab

It's that time of year again... Valentine's Day, so I thought I would explore a little more about how we can show love to both ourselves and others.

No matter if you are coupled up, or single, unless we are in the first throes of romantic love and newness of relationship, sometimes it can end up a little disappointing.

Even more so if you have expectations of the way it should be.

And yes they say that Valentine's Day should be every day of the year, however let's face it, it's not always the way it works....  Sometimes we forget how to show our partner love, and even more importantly ourselves.

So how can you show love this Valentine's?

For those in a relationship what would really make your partner feel cherished?  Of course you can go and buy a beautiful gift, however will this truly make them feel loved the way they need to be loved? 

There is a book called the 5 Love Languages by Gary Chapman.  If you are not familiar with it, the basic principle is that people feel loved in different ways, and if you are not speaking the same "language", no matter what you do, you are not going to make the other person feel special. 

The thing is what you may think expresses your love for your partner, may not actually translate the same way to them.

In the book he explores the five key ways of expressing love:

*  Words Of Affirmation

*  Acts Of Service

*  Receiving Gifts

*  Quality Time

*  Physical Touch

So what would mean the world to your partner, and what do they really need?  

Maybe they would be better receiving a letter explaining how much you appreciate them (affirmation) than a bunch of flowers?  If you are constantly working, maybe it is taking time out of your busy day to just sit down and listen to them, to ask what has been going on in their world (quality time)?   Perhaps just giving them a huge hug (touch) or doing the dishes (service) would mean the world?

If you don't know your partners language, maybe it is giving them the care of asking them what it is, and what makes them feel special?   Then in future you can be more considered in the ways you show them that they matter. 

And if you are single, what can you do for yourself that fits within these languages?  Do you know what works best for you?

Perhaps you can buy yourself a little something, it doesn't need to be extravagant (gift), or maybe it is having a massage (touch) or just spending some time reading a book or doing some mediation (quality time)?  Have a think about what really does make you feel special and good about yourself. 

And hey make Valentine's fun and grab a group of friends and celebrate your love for each other and each other's fabulousness!   

The thing is the more you fill yourself up with loving actions, the more you will be attractive to another person.

This applies regardless of what your "status" currently is.  It is so important to show love to ourselves, and we need to take care of both our body and mind - no one else can do this for us.  If you are feeling empty as a person, or unfilled, it is very hard to give to anyone else, whether in a relationship or single.   

Author Louise Hay, who is an expert at healing techniques and positive philosophy, is a big advocate of mirror work to grow appreciation for yourself.   It is slightly intimidating at first and can bring up a lot of emotion, even though it is quite a simple task to do.   It is as basic as standing in front of the mirror and telling yourself "I love you, I really love you" and affirming that love to yourself.

To be honest it can be quite confronting to do this kind of work and initially can bring up many feelings, anything from sadness, to fear and self-judgement.  However if you persist and get over the awkwardness of it all, it can be life changing in a very short space of time.  

So whether you are cosily coupled up, or just going to hang with a friend for the night - really think about what love means to you, and how you show up for yourself and others in a way that makes you feel good, and a person you love feel special. 

Happy Valentine's Day my friends.  Much Love to you all!!