Have you heard the saying "What others think of you is none of your business?"
In truth the perceptions we have of ourselves is the only reality, however I know most of us are constantly worrying about others opinions.
Often peoples reactions or judgement of us are totally based on their own conditioning, it may have nothing at all to do with you. So to anguish about it only causes yourself anxiety, suffering, stress, and often a lot of people pleasing, even though it may not be in your best interest to do so.
You can bend over backwards and tie yourself in knots, but you are not going to make everyone happy all of the time. If you believe you can, you are setting yourself up for genuine heartache.
When you follow your heart, create change, or have strong opinions, you will upset some people.... it is unavoidable.
So if you look for constant approval, you may keep the peace for a while, but it may end up with you not achieving your dreams, or not being true to yourself, and this will probably lead to resentment on your part, which is not going to be a good resolution for anyone.
Of course this doesn't mean you turn into an insensitive person - we still need to be aware of our actions and how they affect others. However I believe that if you live with integrity, and in genuine kindness to people, this should not become an issue.
Then if we take this train of thought, why do we also judge ourselves so harshly? Why aren't we kind to ourselves? Most of us are constantly criticizing ourselves for our looks, thoughts and behaviours, hence looking to others for validation, which is part of the problem.
Often we can be consumed by what we believe others are thinking of us, and that is pure self-torture.
It was explained to me recently with the law of Quantum, that for every positive reaction from someone there is going to be a negative reaction from someone else. For everyone that loves what you do, there are going to be others that don't understand or may disagree. In other words if you want the good - you are going have to accept a little bit of the bad.
This really helped me with writing this blog actually. That for all the lovely feedback I receive there is going to be some negative as well, and to do my best not to take that to heart. It caused me to stop writing for a while, however now I know that the people who are open to what I have to discuss will read it, and those that don't will drop off to make space for the ones that are. It is a much freer feeling.
The thing is negative and positive reactions are going to creep in, it is difficult to stay completely immune, and it is something we need to be diligent in keeping on top of to keep a sense of our own self worth.
What if you could see yourself as perfect just the way you are, with all the things that you may consider frailties? That you are enough? Seeing yourself through kind eyes is so important.
The thing is, I believe we are all doing the best we can in this world. (And remember to consider this when you may have a tendency to judge others). Ultimately it comes down to self-love and self-acceptance, having strength of your convictions and what your own reality is.
Lets stop judging ourselves, worrying about others thoughts and give ourselves a break. Know that you are truly amazing, no matter what anyone has to say about it.... including you!
(And just because we all need a little Taylor Swift in our lives - yes she has a closet fan here - I love her attitude in this track. Shake It Off.... By the way having a little dance to this allows you to do just that!! I promise!!)